Mom Anxiety

One of my best girlfriends came over the other day. She tells the best stories and this visit was no exception! We sat down on my porch while our kids jumped and played in the blistering heat. Her 7 year old son is on the swim team at the country club where they are members - they've always considered him to be a very good swimmer, which he is. So She began like this, “My son had his 1st swim meet yesterday, our whole family was there to watch as he crossed that finish line and won his ribbon! And that he did, a full minute later than everyone else." My friend said it was the longest and most awkward minute of her life as all the parents of the victors just watched waiting for her little fish to reach the finish line in complete silence! We both laughed at the awkwardness of that moment as our kids moved onto water balloons and throwing them at each other violently. A few minutes later, she proceeded to share of her new found mom anxiety, you see, in the county where we live there's a certain amount of pressure when raising sons… it's called "team sports." Her oldest son is 13 and played golf when he was younger, but took a break for a while. He then went back into it only to find out he was now behind his peers and was only to be partnered with much younger kids - the 8 to 9 year olds. Obviously that's awkward for a 6th grader -  not to mention mom. I realized in the middle of her story, “Uh oh, my kids don't know how to do anything apart from breaking sticks throwing rocks and making mud!" This is where I begin to share in her mom anxiety. I said nothing of it to her but when our play date had ended, I started calling and emailing every coach of every team sport in middle Tennessee only to find out I had missed the cut off for registration. It felt like a secret society of which I was not a member! The questions begin to fill my mind… I think my kids are good swimmers, I think they run fast, but do they? Have I failed them in a big way? Is Soren gonna ask me, “Mom, how come all my friends are on the soccer team and get to travel and hang out and I can’t?" Are they going to be the kids that don't fit in in high school? Will they be sitting off in a corner on campus wearing all black and smoking?

A few days went by and I called my friend and I told her that her anxiety had passed on to me. We laughed because we were both asking ourselves the exact same questions! We both had this epiphany that maybe we are square pegs trying to fit into round holes. Ha! 

We have these incredible little kids who don't really care about fitting in. So, why as parents should we force them to be like everyone else? Right? We have to trust that God will show us in time where he wants them to be AND if they are listening for His voice they will inform us as to what God has put on their hearts. In the mean time we spend our days making memories that only we can share in as a family. Athletics peer pressure will come, but for now WE are each other's universe and that day will come to an end so let's soak it up now! Bring on family marathon movie nights (after they do their chores, of course). I highly recommend a giant Xorbee (https://xorbee.com/) for family fun and memory making! I got one just for our family. I believe in what they are doing. They have also created special bean bags for soothing kids with autism and special needs and it works!!!!

Crow's Feet

I was looking in the mirror the other day putting my make up on trying to get ready to take the boys to school, lo and behold I see the appearance of crow's feet. Like any other red blooded woman around the world, I attempted to spread those wrinkles out with my fingers and told myself, "maybe it's just the way I slept." I ran to my husband and said, “Baby, do I look old?!” He laughed and said, "You're younger than me. I'm the wrong person ask" and continued shaking his head as he walked away. I, of course could tell that he thought that I was being a total girl (aka ridiculous). 

It got me thinking… What are crow's feet? Why do we get crow's feet? 

Later that day, I went to the grocery store and there was a woman in the checkout line in front of me. She was probably in her 80s, she was wearing a black turtle neck (although it was 80 degrees outside) and tan khakis. I looked at her and I thought, "Wow she is so beautiful!"

So being a girl, you will understand why I wanted to acknowledge her and tell her that. I said, “Ma'am, I gotta say, you are stunning! What's your secret?" In her oh so Southern accent she replied, “Well hon, I been happy, real happy, God blessed me with a wonderful man who was a great father, kids, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I've smiled nonstop for 60 years." I looked at her beautiful smile lines and thought, “Those aren't crow's feet, that is her happiness map."

Being a female there are lots of things we try to fix or change about ourselves. Sometimes it really is a map, marking the signs of where we have been and where we want to go. 

Like those stretch marks, don't pretend, you and I both know we would have those babies all over again! They just left a mark (always will, I'm guessing)

Sometimes our "flaws" are the sweetest reminders of a life that was truly lived with total abandon and LOTS of smiles! 

Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month. When you're pregnant you pray for 10 fingers 10 toes, right?

When my boys were in preschool, I remember the first day pulling up to firetrucks at the school when it was time to pick up the kids. Being a normal mom, I panicked and ran in and one of the teachers said that some kid pulled the fire alarm and I said “Wow, I can't believe a kid would ever do that!" in my sarcastic voice, secretly hoping that it's was not my kid. I went to his class and the teacher looked at me and said, “ Oh yes, it was Zealand." I was mortified and I of course laughed, as well... later. The next day we pull up to the school -  firetrucks are out in the parking lot again and I rolled my eyes and thought, “Yep, it's probably my son!" And it was.

I apologized profusely and the next day when we showed up to school, we noticed that there were boxes covering the fire alarms. Let's call these the "baby gate" for 5 year old Zealand. 

When he was born, he was the easiest baby in the world, he rarely cried and we could take him anywhere! (Unlike his baby brother, thank God Soren was born 2nd, otherwise we would've only had 1) HA! 

When Zealand (now 9 years old) was little we noticed he wasn't hitting the milestones that other kids were. We talked to his pediatrician and tried to enroll him in Early Intervention, but to no avail, he was diagnosed with a developmental delay. I, as mommy, thought, “Well that's no big deal, we can handle this!" The older he got, the word "Autism" was thrown around but could not concluded. Whew!

We got private therapies for him.

*Side note-"autism" is not something you can "see" in a child or person. In fact autistic children have an angelic face that knows no sin. 

When Zealand was in 2nd grade, the pediatrician and school agreed that he was autistic. I was broken. I had to go through a grieving period, to let go of the dreams I had for Zealand and begin to dream new dreams. I didn't understand why God allowed my son to be "different". Someone told me once that God only gives special children to special people and that moment I realized that God had entrusted me with Zealand and I am honored to know that. 

What does being a "special needs mom" mean?

Research, advocating, fighting, research, advocating, fighting, and so on… and being honest with yourself. It's work, but our babies are worth it. After all, God trusts you and I to be his little minions on this earth. Don't forget though, God loves our babies more than we do, it's hard to fathom that, right? But it's the truth! 

Trust me, don't be scared. The journey is fun and when your kid makes progress - celebrate each and every time! 

This adventure has only begun. Dream, love, laugh and live hard! To this day Zealand is and will always be my hero, I fight, but HE is the winner! 

The Sleepover

What do friends helping friends, kids, late nights, 4am mornings, 10,000 steps on the Apple Watch, movies and pizza have in common? Sleepovers!

One of my dearest friends is moving and anyone with kids knows that moving when you have a 10 year old, 6 year old and toddler is chaos. Lions tigers and bears have nothing on that one. 

They say you can tell who your REAL friends are based on when it's time to move, if you can't get a hold of them "conveniently" then there is your answer. ;) 

My sweet friend sent her 6yr old to spend the day with her cousins (girls), the toddler had a baby sitter on site with mommy and I got the big boy (10 yrs) yay for me! My boys could not have been more happy, of course. I planned a full day of play, pizzas, treats from the store, Easter egg painting and of course an Easter egg hunt - 2 actually. What was supposed to be a day thing turned into an over night adventure. Side note - how do kids stay up so late and wake up SO early? WOW!

A mother of all boys told me something once in regards to parenting and I've not forgotten it. She said "try to say ‘yes' more than ‘no,' so that when you say ‘no,' it really means something." I refer to this as to mean "pick your battles" and "don't sweat the small stuff." I know not everyone will agree with this logic so please send all negative letters to p.o. Box 12345 Timbuktu? JK! 

There's also a saying that "the proof is in the pudding" after meeting her ever so lovely boys I saw their admiration and respect for their parents and I thought, well there it is. I guess you could say that if we are faithful to teaching them the right way, His way, we have to TRUST that God will not let that go void.

So back to our sleep over fun, bed time ended up happening at 11 pm (normally 8pm). Basically, they passed out, BUT those crazy dudes ended up waking up at 4:15 am… YIKES!

Needless to say my boys napped the next day. LOL 

You remember, running barefoot looking for Easter eggs, staying up late at your friends house, eating pizza, watching Willy Wonka, jumping and swinging till you could throw up, etc… it's just fun! Like my mother in law always says with her squeaky voice, "they're only little once."

The coolest gift is being there for your friends, being good to people and showing up when others don't. 

It doesn't hurt that I might've had more fun than they did though, but don't tell them that. They just think their mom is cool ;) 

Philippians 2:1-7

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ...

It's Hard To Be Away From Them

Do you ever wonder what they're doing? 

When they're loud, we gripe at them to be quiet, but when they're quiet we say "uh guys... what are you doing?" (cause that's usually a bad sign) LOL

Much like when we're with them we want to pull our hair out but when we are NOT with them we miss them! Why are we like that?

We recently left out of town on the road for tour, and I can't help but wonder all day what THEY are doing, what and who made them smile today? Was everyone good to them? Were they good to everyone else? These questions flood my mind and then I have to remind myself to TRUST that God is in control. That word pops up in every and all situations doesn't it?

I want to be there every moment but I know being faithful to God is being faithful to all that God has placed in my life. Today, pray this prayer:

"God open the doors You want me to walk through and close the ones You don't want me to walk through..."

Now the challenge is being happy and content with His answer ;)

Do I wish I were home chasing and pulling my hair out with my kids and their cheeky ways? Yes, but I prayed that prayer and I Trust God and His will above all!

Psssst it does help knowing that I will be home for a few days next week though! I'll be volunteering at the book fair and watching my youngest performing as Uncle Sam in his 1st grade musical! Yay!!!!

AND Yes, Uncle Sam has a speaking part. AND Yes, he IS Mexican.

TRUST

Am I the only one? Please say no!

I'm a "room mom" for my youngest son's class, there are lots of parties - like A LOT and I love it, but with so much going on sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I dropped my oldest son off at school and took the baby to a doctors appointment. Come to find out he has a sinus infection, grrrrr. Took him to school, then I walked into my house and it looked like there was a pack of wild animals had ransacked my house! How can 2 little guys wreak such havoc? That's only 9.30am! 

No time to clean, I have to get teacher gifts, cupcakes and answer a million questions from other parents in the class.

Am I grateful? Yes. 

Am I tired? Yes. 

Do I trust? I need to trust more... do you trust? 

Trust that God is in control and has everything in order, even when the cupcakes tumble over in the car and all you can think is WOW seriously?! 

We do what we can to the best of our ability but when we start to unravel it's okay to REST and TRUST that God is in control and, what 1st grader is gonna pass up a less than perfect cupcake? ;)

Romans 15:13 - May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.